


I was busy waging wars on myself (you were trying to stop the fight)

by manesalex



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alex Manes Loves Michael Guerin, Communication, M/M, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, Michael Guerin Needs a Hug, Michael Guerin Week 2020, POV Michael Guerin, Past Maria DeLuca/Michael Guerin, Protective Alex Manes, Relapsing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:07:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26624908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manesalex/pseuds/manesalex
Summary: Michael has been drinking and worries he's destroying his relationship with Alex.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 2
Kudos: 138





	I was busy waging wars on myself (you were trying to stop the fight)

“Are you drunk?” Michael frowns at the question, dreading telling Alex the truth.

“Yes,” he admits, phone pressed against his face. “Are you mad?” He wouldn’t blame Alex if he was. He’s been sober for two months and he just fucked it up. And maybe their relationship along with it.

“No, I’m not mad,” Alex replies, tone even. Michael wishes he could see his face, so he could read all his little tells. So he could know if Alex is just trying to make him feel better. “Are you at the Pony? Can you put Maria on?”

Michael waves his phone at Maria as she walks by and she grabs it from him. He lets his head fall to the bar as he listens to Maria, trying to gauge from her tone if he’s in the doghouse.

“I was going to call you, you know,” Maria says, tone almost guilty. A pause for whatever Alex is saying. “Really?” Another pause. “Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on him for you. See you soon.” And then she’s placing his phone next to his head.

“Does he hate me?” Michael asks, not bothering to lift his head. It just figures he’d fuck it all up less than two weeks into them finally getting together.

“Alex could never hate you,” Maria sounds amused.

“Suppose not,” Michael slurs. “Couldn’t even hate that jackass of a father. He’s too good.”

He can hear Maria place another glass near his head, can hear her pouring. “You know, the first time we broke up, I had written you off. _Alex_ was the one to convince me not to. He seemed to understand exactly why you did what you did. I should have backed off right then because he loves you. More than I thought was possible to love another human being. I’m pretty sure he thinks you hang the moon.”

Michael lifts his head at that, looking at her skeptically.

She sighs, pushing the drink at him. “He said he’s just glad you came here to drink, that he has a friend who’ll watch out for you.” She frowns at that. “Sometimes I wonder how either one of us deserves him.”

Michael picks up the drink at that, miming a toast before drinking it down. He watches as Maria works, waits for Alex to show up, to see exactly how upset he is. Alex worked so hard on becoming ready for them to finally be together. And, once Michael realized that’s what he was doing, he dove into that work as well, wanting to be good for Alex. And now he feels like he’s thrown that all away.

Things have been going _well_. Nothing in particular sparked this. He knows that. Just his usual self-sabotage. Just his fear. Things go too well and he expects them to fall apart. He expects Alex to leave, like always. His therapist would probably say he’s pushing Alex, testing him. And maybe he is. Maybe he is destined to ruin the best thing in his life. Maybe some part of him is just waiting for Alex to remember that he’s too good for him.

“Hey,” a familiar voice interrupts his dark, spiraling thoughts.

Michael turns, finding Alex standing next to him, as gorgeous as ever, his dark hair a mess, black t-shirt emphasizing his hard-earned muscles. He doesn’t look angry. But maybe he’s just had time to hide it.

When he doesn’t respond, Alex asks, “Do you want to stay here for a while longer, or do you want me to take you home?”

“Home?” Michael asks, wondering if Alex means his home, the one Michael spends most nights at, or if he means the Airstream. He wouldn’t blame Alex if he meant the latter.

“Yes,” Alex replies with a soft smile. “Home.”

“The Airstream?”

He watches as Alex’s expression shutters, the smile falling away. “If you want.”

“What do you want, Alex?” Michael asks, waiting for Alex to run away. And, yet, he can’t seem to stop himself from pushing.

“I want you to go home with me,” Alex says. “And I want you to tell me what happened.”

Michael feels as though his strings have been cut, like all the fight has been drained out of him. He pushes himself to his feet and slaps some money on the counter, probably not enough to pay his tab, but he knows Maria will get after him about it later. He makes his way toward the door, not checking to see if Alex is following him. But, when he hears the locks on Alex’s car unlock, he knows he’s being followed.

He climbs into the car and rests his head against the window, enjoying the cold.

He’s silent when Alex climbs in, starts the car, and starts to drive. They’re almost at Alex’s house when he finally turns to Alex and speaks, “Why aren’t you mad at me?”

Alex looks like he’s considering his answer and Michael hates the thought that Alex is being careful with him. “Honestly?” Alex asks finally.

“Yeah,” Michael replies easily.

“Relapses happen,” Alex shrugs. “I’m just relieved you were honest with me.”

“So you were expecting me to fuck up,” Michael says, voice tinged with the anger he feels. He’ll never be good enough for Alex.

Alex pulls over to the side of the road, parking his car, turning to look at Michael, “Do you want me to be mad about this? Do you want me to tell you that you can do better?” He’s perfectly calm, but Michael flinches anyway. Alex sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face, “I’m so proud of you, Michael. So proud to be with you. You are the best man I know. And, yeah, maybe I wish you hadn’t drank tonight. I know how hard you’ve been trying not to. But I’m mostly worried that I think maybe you’re trying to pick a fight with me.” He pauses, reaching out and taking Michael’s hand in his. “I don’t want to fight. I just want you to talk to me. Let me know what’s going on in that genius head of yours so I can help.” Alex reaches out with his free hand, tracing Michael’s brow with those long fingers, pushing his curls off his face. Michael can’t resist the urge to lean into his touch.

“You ready to go home?” Alex asks after a minute.

Michael nods and Alex turns to start the car again, driving the last few blocks to his house.

He follows Alex inside and, at his prompting, gets ready for bed. He can’t help but smile at the glass of water and the aspirin Alex has placed next to the side of the bed Michael usually sleeps on.

Alex joins him after a minute, slowly taking off his prosthetic as Michael watches, reminding himself that he really needs to take a look at that thing, to make Alex a better one. One that won’t make him let out a little relieved noise every time he takes it off.

When they’re both laying down, Alex pulls Michael against him, pressing up behind him, his arm wrapped around Michael, lips pressing a kiss to Michael’s spine.

After a few minutes, Michael asks, “Alex?”

“Hmm?” Alex gives him the slightest confirmation that he’s listening.

“You’re the best part of my life. And that scares me. Because I don’t get to keep good things,” he admits. “But I’m trying.”

“Good. It’s hard for me too,” Alex admits softly. “But I’m trying too.” Alex shifts a tiny bit to move even closer.

“I love you,” Michael whispers, taking Alex’s hand in his own and lifting it to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss against his skin.

He can hear the smile in Alex’s voice when he replies, “I love you too.”

Michael just listens as Alex’s breathing starts to even out. And then Michael finally relaxes fully and falls sleep in Alex’s arms.


End file.
